Subject: The Story of Creation
May 12, 2008

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III:  Before I get into this, please, don’t be offended.  This is simply my version of the creation story.  Everyone has their own version………

It all began about a few hours ago when I woke up humping my bed trying to close out the tail end of my now nightly wet dream.  Unable to seal the deal, and hearing my mother and sister walking around, I silently prayed for meaties.  Much to my dismay, the craving was thrown right back in my face.  When I told others that I needed meaties, my mom and sister both said at the same time, “Cook your fuckin own meaties!”

With my johnson finally getting shorter, I decided it was time to walk around.  I looked at my mother and sister and smiled.  If they weren’t cooking me meaties, then I was gonna stink up the house.  “I’m stinkin up this joint,” I told them.  “Do you hear me?  I’m gonna fuckin stink this god damn joint up!”

With me looking conflict straight in the eye, I defiantly marched into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me.  “Fuck yes!!!!” I screamed.

My doo doo came in bunches.  Different shapes and sizes, even different textures.  There was no corn though.  Regardless, having to wipe would be no easy task.  My bumbum was covered in the previously mentioned waste, not to mention the toilet water that resulted from my doo doo’s velocity.

Taking great care with each wipe, I realized that I wasn’t quite finished, and sat back down on the toilet.  “Get the fuck outta there!” I heard coming from outside the bathroom.

Again, I began to wipe and wipe and wipe, until finally, on my seventh wipe I discovered a revelation.  My doo doo remains looked exactly like……what was it…..OH YES!  Now I see.  It was American Idol Judge Randy Jackson.  Oh yes, Randy Jackson.  Fuck Yes Bro.  And thus, he was created.

   

 

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Subject: Randy Jackson Just Got Pulled Over for DD in Front of My House
April 18, 2008

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LA Community Affiliate:  And I have video…

But its bad cell phone video.  I saw flashing lights outside on the street, went out to my balcony, saw a big black man with a bluetooth earpiece talking to the cops and recognized the voice–though I havent watched American Idol since Clarkson…
 
He was HAMMERED. Motherfucker…wish I’d had a telephoto lens…I was hiding beneath my balcony wall b/c he and the cops kept looking up my way. FUCK!  Shit drunk…and they let him go…drove off and he flipped a bitch and went back toward Doheney Dr. SHIT!  Will attach video/pics shortly….not like you can see anything, but believe me!