Subject: Letter to C’s – I’d love feedback before I send

email-icon.jpg (from the archive)

III: Dear __________,
I’ve been described as a foul-smelling wheel of cheese, cheap beer in human form, a junior varsity ladies man, and a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but I’ve never been displeased with my circumstances until I found myself in the dilemma I’m about to describe.
Contrary to my somber introduction, I’m a man of optimistic standing, and with the Celtics’ acquisitions of two distinguished thoroughbreds, my enthusiasm had been spewing more than it ever had in my life. With the fresh tone of green gracing the parquet, we were playoff ordained—myself, my boys, the new Big Three, and the rest of the C’s contingent.
Indeed, I’m an intractable Celtics devotee—the Tyrannosaurus Rex of fans. Ferocious in allegiance, raging in commitment, I’m an intensely focused predator. My prey? Championship number 17.
Further fueling my T-Rex-like fury is the fact that last season ended at the opposite extreme of success. Having purchased a 12-game package, we got a peek at the “youth movement” that warranted some notice, but more so, tested our patience. When the Celtics landed Ray Allen, and later Kevin Garnett, salvation had finally presented itself in all its decency.
But decent it wasn’t, for me and my boys. With limited finances, season tickets were out of the question. And on the day that this season’s 12-game packages went on sale, not a plan was presented that fit our budgets. Apparently, tickets have been snapped up like one-cent hamburgers—and with this feeding frenzy of your more moneyed clientele, some of your most passionate fans of modest means appear to be rendered insignificant.
What chafes me even more is that the product that the organization bestowed upon us last season performed contrary to the purpose of basketball—that is, trying to win basketball games. So, while we sat high up in the far corners of a lifeless Garden, we remained content, even if a tad disappointed. Besides, we were at ease because next season was half-a-year away—and there was no question that we’d be there to witness a reawakening of sports’ most legendary franchise.
So when the sale of 12-game packages came and went without being able to secure access to the most enjoyable part of our year, gloom, depression, and absolute misery shrouded our normally upbeat way of thinking.
Out of options, and out of positive escapes, my boys and I turn to you for solace. We seek redemption as well as liberation—much in the same way our heroes in green do as they prepare for the 07-08 season of renaissance. We want to be there. We need to be there. Is there any way you can take us to the paradise’s Garden to witness what we’ve been waiting so long for? We’ll take any road presented to us—oozing green blood along the way—riding the roller coaster of promise that we love and identify as the Boston Celtics.
(Signed etc…)

Helmet: ummmmmm, you are completely out of your mind…but i like it.

Sr: i knew you were crazy, but this is brilliance.  should we forward on to the other “seasons holders” for review?

III: Wait, how come I’m crazy?  Out of my mind? Please elaborate…

Sr: did you read what you just sent us?  you’re a cunning linguist, but that’s the only response this letter is going to generate from anyone.  hahaha.  i think it would be better if you could work the word “roni” in there.  something like “when i reach into my deep pockets all i get is a handful of roni.”


III: I tried to make it unconventional — in order for the folks at the C’s to at least take notice. I also tried to appear as down and out devoted fan.
Thanks for your feedback. I ask that you not pass this along.
Also, it would be great if you guys could write a letter too.

III: You guys may be happy to hear that the kind people working for the celtics are trying to land some tickets for me!!!!!

Sr: haha, who did you send your letter to?

Helmet: what do you mean?

III: I mean they’re hooking me up with a deal…

Helmet: why so vague?  do you have info?  did you email your letter to someone?  what did they say?  what kind of deal are they giving you? 

III: Hey guys, I’m still wondering why you think I’m crazy and out of my mind. Please let me know.

Sr: what kind of tix did you get?  how much?

Helmet: i think you’re crazy bec you referred to yourself as the “t-rex” of c’s fans, and because of basically everything else you wrote.  that’s not to say, however, that i don’t like it – or that it won’t work.  still:  you are crazy. 
any word from that chick or “pc” yet?

III: I heard from PC, who wants me to call him up when I have a moment.
Helmet, do you have interest in tix for a discounted price?

III: Easy boy — I’m sure they’ll be better seats and much cheaper than you guys got scammed into paying!

Sr: just take it easy, you’ll get your “discount” that’s not “too low” and i’m going to get the same one.

Helmet: i think so, yeah.  let me know what PC says.  call me tonight.  this is great.


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