Archive for June, 2008

Subject: Help
June 30, 2008

Imposter Ace:  I hope this message finds you in best of health. I had traveled to Nigeria for official purposes.  Unfortunately for me all my money was stolen at the hotel where I lodged, I am so confused right now, I don’t know what to do or where to go, I didn’t bring my phone here, I have access to only emails, Please can you send me $3000 today so I can return home, As soon as I get home I would refund it immediately. Write me so I can let you know how to send it.

Please keep this to your self only

please!!

Thanks,

Ace

Rub:  There’s something fishy going on here… I think you may have mentioned a trip to Nigeria, but if $ is what you need, please let me know how to send it.

Imposter Ace:  I am in Nigeria now, ok.  Please help me send the money today through western union with my information below.  will refund it once i get back to the states, ok.

Name: ACE

Address: 24 Peye Street, Bodija
City: Ibadan
State: Oyo
Country: Nigeria
Zip Code: 23402

Please use this test question and answer.
Question? Who Is Receiver?
Answer: Ace

Please email me with all the western details that I would need to have the money picked up this morning , ok.

Rub:  ok… answer me this.  What was the name of Sauvé’s pet ferret?  ok.

Real Ace:  good call bro it is a hoax someone hacked my junk

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Subject: Question 1 for Noozle
June 27, 2008

  

Helmet: IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE THING WHAT WOULD IT BE ?

this is a serious question so think about it before you answer.

Noozle: Airport

Helmet: Interesting. Your just really into airports or something? Is this for financial gain? Please comment. Thanks.

Noozle: Financial gain and for leisure I like to travel. If you owned an airport this woudl be easy and you would be mad rich.

Maybe I would just turn around, sell the airport and have mad loot, buy a nice house, invest mony to retire and take care of my self for a long time.

Why do you ask?? have you asked others? If so what were their answers

Subject: Question 1 for Rub
June 25, 2008

Helmet: IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE THING WHAT WOULD IT BE ?

this is a serious question so think about it before you answer.

Rub: an email account where people didn’t ask me weird questions that made me think too much.

i realize its a serious question, but if you would like a serious answer, first let me know why, and i’ll give it some more thought.

Subject: Question 1 for Ace
June 23, 2008

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Helmet: IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE THING WHAT WOULD IT BE ?  this is a serious question so think about it before you answer.

Ace: Wings

Helmet: wings?  as in the grizzle? that’s okay if that is your real answer.  I’m recording people’s original answer and final answer.  you have the opportunity to revise (if you need to).

question 2 will arrive shortly.  your participation is appreciated.

thanks.

Ace: no i mean really wings. like as a bird, just bigger ones so that i could fly. it might seem weird but I think it is cool.  does it have to be something truly attainable or could it be like… wings?

Subject: Making Out
June 20, 2008

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Helmet:

 

Hey III,

 

My woman had a bad dream last night, see below an excerpt from our email:

 

we were at a party, actually it was my house i think,

or my parents house and it was super late

and some people were passed out, some still awake

and i was playing music on the computer or something

and then looked up and you were making out with someone

and i screamed HELMET!

and you popped up and it was III’s lady.

and i started frekaing out and screaming at both of you

what the fuck are you doing

over and over again

and you both just sat there drunk like oh shit oops

 

III: i think she forgot how it ends… (see below)

 

and then III took a switch blade and sliced up your neck in 20 different places

and then he took a shit on both of your faces

and then he started screaming, “you still wanna make out with him now, bitch?”

and he pissed on both of you and said “get the fuck outta my face!”

 

Subject: Cold Out There?
June 19, 2008

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MH:  Cold out there?

 

BW:  Nah its probably like 65.  How is it there?  It bettah be hot when I get home!!

 

MH: why are you not coming home for the feast.  what are you a pecka head?

 

BW:  Well yes I am a peckahead.  I’m planning on going to Seattle that weekend.  It’s my mistake but I had no idea that this would be the most important PF in my lifetime when I booked my trip.

 

My Bad,

BW

 

MH: be a man and fix your mistakes, boy.

 

what did you do last weekend?  i ate (fri to sun): fish tacos, lemon poppy seed muffin, steamers, crackers and cheese, homemade pizza, stuffed cohogs, chowder, lobster roll, chips, cherry cheesecake, eggs, sausage, e. muffin, watermelon, blueberries, banana bread, stuffed cohog, stuffed cohog, meatloaf, mashed potatoes.

 

pretty decent.

 

BW: Damn that sounds like an awesome weekend.  I played golf on Friday after work and then went go-carting/batting cages/arcade with Lloyd and his wife on Saturday.  I ate a bunch of bbq chicken, some salad, and a bunch off cheerios this weekend.  Nothing compared to your feast.  I need some quahogs.  Now I’m justbiding my time until I get back to mass for some linguica.  What’s going on for the 15 th?  I’ll be coming back from a wedding that morning but would love to blow it out Beerfest style. 

 

MH: not sure what’s going on for the 15th.  probably a rage fest of some sort, but again, i’m not sure.

Subject: Goons, C’s, Car Flipping, Zombie (The Day After)
June 18, 2008

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Helmet: ururuHGHGHGHGHGHHURURRHHRHHGHGH 

             

Muff: How many ladies were slayed by Perk last night?!!!   I say the over/under is 27. 

 

Helmet: gross scene…probably over 27 

 

dudes, i’m sooo hung-ung-ung-ung-ung..ughhghghghghghghg…. 

 

Muff: I’m IRATE at my hunnnnged head 

 

III: I just scarfed a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich and now I’m about to shit all over my office…

 

Definitely having some tough times — but in the name of glory — it all seems to be correct…

 

Helmet: BEERS NAILED OUTSIDE OF SHANGS ON THE SIDEWALK. 

 

Sr: i am watching sportscenter on repeat, the beauty of the half day!!!  wish i didn’t get so drunk last night though. 

III: think the highlight of my night was a long embrace with good friend Bart when he came into Shangs! The perfect exclamation for a season of epic decency!

Helmet: Bart has ridiculous chest hair and he’s not afraid to show it.  hell, flaunt it if you got it, right!  go C’s!  go Bart!  

 

Muff: i feel like takin my roni out, i’m so satisfied 

 

Helmet: I bet Bart would fuck you up in the Long Nipple Hair Showdown. 

 

III: If that’s the case, there’s a good chance he could hold the world record for longest nipple hair (5 inches)….

 

Muff: crushing some wagamama….championship lunch! 

 

dudes…peckahead radio is off the chaaahts today!

Subject: Goons, C’s, Car Flipping, Zombie
June 17, 2008

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Helmet: Heeeeeeey,  Heeeyyyyaaahhhhh….

 

Us bastards are going to the game tonight right?  What are you guys thinking?  I’m thinking Shangs around 7:30.  I’d feel bad being in the area and not stopping in to see Tony…Maybe a possible pre game goon sesh?

 

For those coming from the Back Bay/South End – I’ll be home around 6 then hopping a quick shower, then I’m gonna head down.  How does that sound?

 

I’ve been popping wood about the game all morning and my Chubby is sore.

 

Kindest regards,

 

Helmet.

 

III: I’d love a lift down there!!!! Unreal!!!! I’m so exicted like!!! I have a serious roni!

 

My plan: Drink a bottle of cheap vodka. Go to C’s, flip cars, and swear.

 

Tony is usually off on Tuesday isn’t he??

 

Helmet: what’s w/ the NBA scheduling games when Shangs is closed/Tony isn’t working? 

 

Sr: we should call and find out.  

 

Helmet: Call the NBA or call Shangs?  Either way I guess….

 

Sr: if we call them we should order next year’s seasons.  i think we should all buck up and get half a season in friendly section 316.  holla. 

 

Muff: In my cube at work 12:26 pm:

 

Shangs girl:  (little whore that works the phones)  Hi, this is Shangs, can I help you?

Muff:  Decent, is the bar open today?

Shangs girl:  Ya, bar open at 5.

Muff:  Is Tony working tonight?

Shangs girl: Ya, ya.

Muff:  Seriously, are you sure, because he usually doen’t work on Tuesdays.

Shangs girl:  Ya, Tony, the old guy?  ya, he’s working – 5 o’clock open

Muff:  You have to be sure because my buddies and I only go if Tony is working.

Shangs girl:  Ya, Tony.  He is working Tuesday.

Muff:  Ok.  You know that Tony is the man, right?

Shangs girl:  heeeeheeee, heeeheee, ya Tony.

Muff:  Decent.  Thanks.

 

Helmet: hilarious… i love that place and tony better be working

Subject: Tough Loss
June 16, 2008

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Lice: Tough loss last night – hopefully we can rebound tomorrow night. Here’s a little humor to cheer everyone up…

“Every day, a male co-worker of mine walks up to my friend Sally at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to the supervisor in the personnel department, and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks, “What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”

The Woman replies, “He’s a midget.”

Subject: Question 1 for Sylvio
June 13, 2008

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Helmet:  IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE THING WHAT WOULD IT BE?

this is a serious question so think about it before you answer.

Sylvio:  I would want a magical map that anything that I drew on it would then really exist in real life.  For instance, first I would draw my house, then I would draw a baby red dragon around the corner of my house, then I would go outside and around the corner and there it would be, my own baby red dragon.  A baby red dragon is not what I would draw, it is just an example of something previously unattainable that would be mine with my new map.  After I did whatever it is that one would do with a baby red dragon, I would take out my eraser, any ordinary eraser would do (unless you wrote on the map in pen) and erase the dragon to make it go away.  Then I would draw a water balloon filled with throwup, and have it placed over the door of the guy that lives below me so when he went out his door it would fall on him and make him covered with throwup, and smelly.  This, a vomit filled water balloon, is not what I would want either but just another example of the powers of my map.  I would most likely, with the help of the map, become a superhero, “Mapito” and I would win every supermarket shopping spree ever because I would draw myself at the finish line before the other contestants.

Helmet:  Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.  It sounds like you don’t know what you want, but rather that you want a device that can give you what you want when you decide that you want something.

Please clarify Syl, and please, as always – keep it simple.

Sylvio:  Lifelong Happiness or the undending ability to invent words with the suffix:  “a-roni”.

Helmet:  Decent!

Subject: Question 1 for III
June 12, 2008

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Helmet: IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE THING WHAT WOULD IT BE ?
this is a serious question so think about it before you answer. 

III: probably an eternal happy life……why??? and why so serious????
And what about you? And how was the party last night?

BRONSONS ON ME….

Helmet: re: your answer: those are two things (1. eternal life, 2. happy life). do you mean happiness for the rest of your life? please revise…

re: why: just curious.
re: me: i don’t know.
re: party: didn’t happen.
re: bronsons: i like when bronsons are on you.
how was your party?

III: No party for me. I was feeling a little under the weather, and was asleep by like 8:00.

BRONSONS ON ME!!

It’s a tough question here, but I would want eternal life, unless I was a vegetable in some form. Then I wouldn’t want eternal life. So……it would probably be a humongous bowl of stew.

Wait, wait, wait…..it may not be that.

Probably it’s eternal happiness…….for everyone. (Which could just be a bowl of stew!) Who knows? Everything is connected bro…….

Helmet: eternal happiness for everyone is your final answer. thank you.

no party for me either. i was going to get a brewHA with noosle lebowski but he got to my house and made an executive decision to drink beers at onset’s instead of going to the bars. i declined.
C Men tonight!!

Subject: Would You Rather…
June 11, 2008

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III: Would you rather eat a diarrhea sandwich or have someone barf directly down your throat?

Mrs: I’d rather eat a diarrhea sandwich.  Definitely.

Would your rather jump off a five story building or get hit by a truck?

III: You’d eat a diarrhea sandwich?  Ew, gross…

I think I’d rather be hit by a truck.  Not positive on that one though…

Would you rather toss MM’s salad or watch your boyfriend toss MM’s salad?

Mrs:  ew.  Sick.  MM’s salad must smell so bad.  I think I would puke if I tossed it myself so I would have to choose watching my boyfriend doing it.  I would must have to plug my nose somehow.

Would you rather eat someone’s pubic and ass hair from a salad bowl (no dressing) or eat a cut off penis after it has been cooked in the oven for a half hour?

III: I’d rather eat pubes.  I’d probably die if I ate a shlong.

Would you rather take a bath in a tub full of gloop, or have both of your thumbs chopped off?

Mrs: I would rather take a bath in gloop by far.  That’s a one time event and wouldn’t have thumbs forever.

Would you rather drink a cup full of Rub’s boogers or a cup full of Noozle’s boogers?

III: I should have said take a daily bath in gloop. Not a good one! My bad!

While I imagine Noozle’s boogies would provide more bang for your buck, Rub’s boogers are practically a delicacy! I’d drink Rub’s. I do it tonight if he asked me to.

Would you rather lick the sweaty inner thigh of the fattest person you know or drink a big glass of someone’s sweat?

Mrs: ha ha.  yeah I hear ya and Noozle’s boogers could be health hazard – god forbid you choked on one of those gigantic things! 

I would definitely have to go with licking the inner thigh of the fattest person alive.  I couldn’t handle dinking someones sweats with gulps.  A lick is quick and over with.

would you rather have butt sex with a goat or have butt sex with Lice Man?

III: I’d rather do a goat — lord knows it carries less risk than fooling around with Lice Man.

Would you rather have long saggy boobs down to your ankles or an extra normal sized boob protruding from your forehead?

Mrs: I’d prefer the long saggy ass boobs.  I’d probably just get a reduction and a lift.

would you rather your woman have a gigantic penis instead of a vag or breath that smelt like a mixture of diareah, barf, tuna, and egg bombs?

Subject: You Guys are Coo
June 10, 2008

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SrPretty cool.

Noozle:  Kobe is such a conceded bastard.  He stands no chance of winning in Boston with the amount of Pecka Heads we have heckling him.

Tubesteak:  Kobe and the Lakers beating the Celtics this series is about as probable as this kid beating up Vince Wilfork…

This is really cool too.  Celts/Bulls — Eastern Conference Finals 09.

Noozle:  I love V. D. N.

Muff: that kid is freakin hilar…he’s deece .01

Sr:  Yep, Bennett Salvatore

Helmet:  No Way the C’s win tonight.

Irate!

Subject: Seasons
June 9, 2008

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C’s:  2007-2008 Seasons are Now Available.

Muff: Who is this Fellow??   What happened to our boy Brian?

 

Sr: I don’t know, and I don’t care if someone is peddling seasons to me it may as well be an irish chick.  are we going to just pick 12 games?  or do the package?

 

III: Brian is probably in Laguna Beach hanging out with that dude Talan.

 

Brian is a chill motherfuck…

 

Muff: damn straight he’s a bad mother Fer fo sho.  I think we should do 9-10 games, picking them.  instead of the package.

 

Sr: i agree, maybe we should call this chick and explain what were up to.  we should probably try to get close to courtside seats for one game, for example, if they play the nj nets.

 

Mud: oh, this is a chick, definitely screw her than.

 

lets just get the press table seats.

 

Muff: What do you guys think is the best way to lure Tony into coming to a C’s game with us?
 

Talk amongst yourselves…

 

Personally, I’d use a Full Live Catfish

 

III: Garfield eats mad Catfish —

 

It’s a metaphor for extremely loose pussy…

 

This chick probably has a pretty loose one.

 

God, I miss Brian!

 

Mud: we could tell him lander is there.  retribution!

 

III: How was the rest of Turkey last night?

 

Mud: it was fun.  didn’t get home till about 2 and i got pretty stewed.  had a good time though.

how was the rest of your night?

 

III: It was alright. Er didn’t take to kindly to my brief dancing episode.

 

Did anyone ever start “dancing out?”

 

I was pretty “tanked.” The bedroom smelled very “funny” this morning.

 

III: What we should be talkin about is Pats tickets…

 

Mud: touche.  we are already 1.5 hours into the season.

 

Muff: Catfish and Pats!     IRATE  landers,  landers!!!

 

Muff: what do you guys got going this weekend?

 

Mud: who’s going to the feast?  can we discuss this at the feast?

 

III: I’m gettin my shlong all old and dirty…  Were people dancing? Were you dancing?

 

Muff: The Feast of the Blessed Sacrament? 

 

Mud: you know what fucking feast, muffler!  the FBS.

 

Sr: i think the better question is who isn’t going to the feast and if not what’s your excuse. 

 

i think if we could get tom the bartender scheduled on a friday and stage a live catfish game against the raptors with arch nemesis lander, tony would be in.

 

III: The Feast is where you go to pork broads.

 

FOR SHNIZZLE MY NIZZLE!

 

Muff: The very popular Budweiser Beer is sold on tap throughout the Feast grounds.

 

Mud: 

 lez zeplin

 

III: I wouldn’t mind having my dick rot in one of those musicians…

 

Mud: jesus.  you are in a vulgar mood, huh?

 

III: I was just jokin about having my Roni rot. Here’s a picture of the head of the feast:

 

 

Mud: foook!  i can’t see him/her

 

III: The Feast head is chill, you can find him under the Photo page on the feast website.

 

And yes, I’m vulgair — GET OVER IT!

 

“Meow”

 

Mud: really?  cool.  don’t meow me.  I’m getting a burger for lunch.

 

III: We’re having a pizza party @ work!! We have a two slice limit policy. If we go over the limit we have to start paying.

 

This emailing session is great, isn’t it.

 

Mud: that’s a weird pizza party, no?

 

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow

 

III: I was just jokin about the policy. Really, everyone is going to be crazy and dance. My goof-level is off the charts right now. “meow”

 

“It’s so hard…. to say goodbye….to yesterday.”

– Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD (The East Coast Family)

 

Mud: you got me.

 

i like your little quote there.  dancing pizza party, huh?  can you take a photo on your phone and send it to me?

 

III: misquoted the song. I have fixed it though. Have you ever made out with a chick in a closet at work?

 

“It’s so hard…. to say goodbye….to yesterday…..eeeeeee.”

Subject: Dude
June 6, 2008

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Helmet:  Dude, You must have popped wood for the entire game last night.

Dude, let me know if you need a ride home.  Also, dude, please remember to bring that ticket for me.  And dude, as previously mentioned, please let me know about the ride dude, we will be leaving around 3pm, dude, so let me know.

Ok dude, talk to you later,

Helmet.

III:  Dude — I had an orgasm at the game.  Orgasm.

I’m hopping on a train home shortly.  Be in touch!

Subject: Vunk (more mine vs. yours emails)
June 6, 2008

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Helmet:

Your little weiner: 

My mega humongous weiner:

Tubesteak:

My roni:

Your roni:

Helmet:  Oh no you didn’t!!!!!!

you:

me:

Tubesteak:  Yes!! Yes!!!!

yours:

mine:

Helmet:

there’s you:

and there’s me:

Tubesteak:

me:

you:

Helmet:

you:

me:

Tubesteak:

mine:

yours:

Helmet:

me:

you:

Tubesteak:

me:

you:

Helmet:

you:

me:

Tubesteak:

you:

me:

Helmet:  What the hell?

Tubesteak: you’re the chinese dude, and I’m the dude on the beach.  Now – back to the pictures please….

Helmet: hahahahahahaha

yours:

mine:

Tubesteak:

you:

me:

Helmet:

you:

me:

 

Subject: From SI’s Mock Draft
June 5, 2008

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Sr30. Boston

Another team who wants to swing with a player who falls but can’t find a dance partner. When that occurs, the Red Sox tend to save their high-risk picks until after the first round, and play it safe early. Even though they have a good left-handed bullpen arm in Hideki Okajima, Arizona’s Daniel Schlereth would be the best college reliever still on the board, and his power stuff makes him possibly closer-worthy and anything but a one-sided specialist. The son of former NFL player and television analyst Mark Schlereth, he’s built like a bulldog and brings a gridiron mentality to the mound. More importantly, his velocity was up to 97 mph, and his slider was a true wipeout offering.

Selection: Daniel Schlereth, LHP, Arizona

Helmet: that sounds decent.  Bunt pops wood over schelereth.

Bunt: OH MY GOD!!I would lose my shit if we got Schelereth!!!  Can somebody get me a Bosox jersey with Schelereth on the back???

Muffler: my poop is on the floor.  sports! 

Subject: Sox Tix 6/17
June 4, 2008

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Denver: tix for the sox have landed on 6/17. 8 seats together. should be a good scene.

Sr: i’m in holmes as is Bunt.

Helmet: i’m interested in 2.  i’ve emailed a couple people as well, but i haven’t heard back yet…  how’d you get them?

Bunt: That is sick!  Great work Ver!  I know K wants to go and I hope all the other knuckleheads will go too.  KC is no walk in the park,

Denver: I hear Kelsey is gonna be outta town. What a Pecka!!!

Helmet: loss of major pecka head points for him.

Kelsey: crap!  but i will be doing Brewers game that night….1/2 those P-head points back?

Sr: Only if you complete the grand slam: Brat, Polish, Chourizo, Hot Dog

Kelsey: Done!   ( didn’t ethan say there was a mystery fifth tubed meat?)

Denver: Kelsey, you’ll always be a “wood-peckin-pecka-wood” in my book.

Kelsey: C’s SEASONS!!!

Bunt: Go for the SLAM Muffler!!!!  MILWAUKEE

Subject: Letter to C’s – I’d love feedback before I send
June 3, 2008

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III: Dear __________,
 
I’ve been described as a foul-smelling wheel of cheese, cheap beer in human form, a junior varsity ladies man, and a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but I’ve never been displeased with my circumstances until I found myself in the dilemma I’m about to describe.
 
Contrary to my somber introduction, I’m a man of optimistic standing, and with the Celtics’ acquisitions of two distinguished thoroughbreds, my enthusiasm had been spewing more than it ever had in my life. With the fresh tone of green gracing the parquet, we were playoff ordained—myself, my boys, the new Big Three, and the rest of the C’s contingent.
 
Indeed, I’m an intractable Celtics devotee—the Tyrannosaurus Rex of fans. Ferocious in allegiance, raging in commitment, I’m an intensely focused predator. My prey? Championship number 17.
 
Further fueling my T-Rex-like fury is the fact that last season ended at the opposite extreme of success. Having purchased a 12-game package, we got a peek at the “youth movement” that warranted some notice, but more so, tested our patience. When the Celtics landed Ray Allen, and later Kevin Garnett, salvation had finally presented itself in all its decency.
 
But decent it wasn’t, for me and my boys. With limited finances, season tickets were out of the question. And on the day that this season’s 12-game packages went on sale, not a plan was presented that fit our budgets. Apparently, tickets have been snapped up like one-cent hamburgers—and with this feeding frenzy of your more moneyed clientele, some of your most passionate fans of modest means appear to be rendered insignificant.
 
What chafes me even more is that the product that the organization bestowed upon us last season performed contrary to the purpose of basketball—that is, trying to win basketball games. So, while we sat high up in the far corners of a lifeless Garden, we remained content, even if a tad disappointed. Besides, we were at ease because next season was half-a-year away—and there was no question that we’d be there to witness a reawakening of sports’ most legendary franchise.
 
So when the sale of 12-game packages came and went without being able to secure access to the most enjoyable part of our year, gloom, depression, and absolute misery shrouded our normally upbeat way of thinking.
 
Out of options, and out of positive escapes, my boys and I turn to you for solace. We seek redemption as well as liberation—much in the same way our heroes in green do as they prepare for the 07-08 season of renaissance. We want to be there. We need to be there. Is there any way you can take us to the paradise’s Garden to witness what we’ve been waiting so long for? We’ll take any road presented to us—oozing green blood along the way—riding the roller coaster of promise that we love and identify as the Boston Celtics.
 
(Signed etc…)

Helmet: ummmmmm, you are completely out of your mind…but i like it.

Sr: i knew you were crazy, but this is brilliance.  should we forward on to the other “seasons holders” for review?

III: Wait, how come I’m crazy?  Out of my mind? Please elaborate…

Sr: did you read what you just sent us?  you’re a cunning linguist, but that’s the only response this letter is going to generate from anyone.  hahaha.  i think it would be better if you could work the word “roni” in there.  something like “when i reach into my deep pockets all i get is a handful of roni.”

Helmet: hahah.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHA.

III: I tried to make it unconventional — in order for the folks at the C’s to at least take notice. I also tried to appear as down and out devoted fan.
 
Thanks for your feedback. I ask that you not pass this along.
 
Also, it would be great if you guys could write a letter too.

III: You guys may be happy to hear that the kind people working for the celtics are trying to land some tickets for me!!!!!
 
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sr: haha, who did you send your letter to?

Helmet: what do you mean?

III: I mean they’re hooking me up with a deal…

Helmet: why so vague?  do you have info?  did you email your letter to someone?  what did they say?  what kind of deal are they giving you? 

III: Hey guys, I’m still wondering why you think I’m crazy and out of my mind. Please let me know.

Sr: what kind of tix did you get?  how much?

Helmet: i think you’re crazy bec you referred to yourself as the “t-rex” of c’s fans, and because of basically everything else you wrote.  that’s not to say, however, that i don’t like it – or that it won’t work.  still:  you are crazy. 
 
any word from that chick or “pc” yet?

III: I heard from PC, who wants me to call him up when I have a moment.
 
Helmet, do you have interest in tix for a discounted price?

III: Easy boy — I’m sure they’ll be better seats and much cheaper than you guys got scammed into paying!
 
WHAT!?!?!

Sr: just take it easy, you’ll get your “discount” that’s not “too low” and i’m going to get the same one.

Helmet: i think so, yeah.  let me know what PC says.  call me tonight.  this is great.

Subject: Info for the Henge Man
June 2, 2008

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III: Noozle,

OPP. is an acronym for “other people’s penis/pussy/property,” and when the song asks the listener if they’re “Down with O.P.P.,” it is asking the listener if he/she is willing to have sexual relations with a person who is known to already have a boyfriend or girlfriend (“O.P.P”).
 
Lead rapper Treach coyly obscures the meaning of the “P” using euphemisms throughout the song saying – instead of “pussy” – that it’s “another way to call a cat a kitten” or – instead of penis – a “five-letter word rhyming with cleanest or meanest”. In the lyrics following, the rap defines the last “P” as “property” to “do it sorta properly.”
 
Treach was inspired to write the lyrics by a drug dealer in his former neighborhood who used to move in on other dealers’ territories and say he was “Down With O.P.M. – Other People’s Money.” Treach took a liking to the phrase but decided to remove the “M” and add a second “P” instead.
 
They gave the song a broader appeal by making the lyrics accessible to both male and female listeners, which is done by including male and female genitalia in the acronym “OPP.”