Archive for March, 2008

Subject: My Tanning Experience
March 30, 2008



III:  So I went tanning…….

I got to admit, I was nervous.  It’s a weird place with these little locker type things you go into, that looks like they are holding frozen bodies.  I wasn’t really sure what to do but I got the standard cheap tan.  The lady behind the counter was originally white, but now was black… the middle of winter. 

I didn’t use any bronzer or anything, although they asked if I wanted to buy some.  And yes, I was nude.  Pretty liberating.  I felt like rubbing one out, but had no lube.  I saw a couple guys in there too, which made me feel better…..but they seemed like they weren’t my style.  Never judge a book by it’s cover though, right?  

My butt feels a little burned, as it hasn’t been exposed to much light in it’s lifetime.  Not sure if I’m gonna ever go again.  That is the information I’ll provide you with. 

If you say one word to anybody about it, there will be hell to pay.  Are we clear?


Subject: I think I saw Bill at the C’s Last Night
March 28, 2008



mud:  no, bill from earth hazards.

bunt:  Oh your boy Bill!!  Do you still keep in touch with him?  For a minute there I thought you meant PAUL BIERMAN

I thought you dated Bill after I graduated??  At least that’s what the rumors were.  

mud:  that fucking bastard!  i thought you and bill were roommates in SF? no?

beirman, i wish i could remember his creepy assistants name?  gregg?  or is gregg the creepy guy from grandpa grunts.

bunt:  I can’t think of his name either.  He was definitely creepy; a wannabe Bierman if you will.  So I found out a couple of months ago that Jesse’s younger sister Dana was in our Earth Hazards class.  Small world bro!!

What happened to the C’s last night?

mud:  really!?  that’s fucking crazy.

i heard bill took you virginity last year. 

bunt:  Totally nuts right.  I heard you were Bill’s roommate at his summer camp in Maine this year.  Any truth to that?

mud:  that earth hazards class was pretty sick. 

i heard you and bill took a trip to mount pelee hoping to witness a pyroclastic flow, but instead found yourself cuddling in bed the entire vacation debating who makes a better fleece: patagonia or north face?

bunt:  I’ll take NORTHFACE every time!!!!

Earth Hazards was the best class ever even if you missed most of while you were giving Bill erotic massages!!!

mud:  i especially liked the avalanche class.  actually, that reminds me of the time that bill shoveled out your car and in exchange you gave him a months worth of head

Subject: Dude BRO
March 28, 2008


helmet:  How about those SOX?  How about those P-MEN?  How about Mexico in 3 days?  uurhghghghghghHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ac:  dude bro, pumped for the Sox, stoked for the Pats, and flat out boner for mexico. say what?!

Subject: Linguica 2007
March 27, 2008


Bunt: I didn’t eat linguica which is very depressing.  

mud: depressing, indeed. 

Bunt: Dude I need linguica badly 

mud: i know you do.  when you come back home, we’ll get you some linguica.  it will straighten you right out  

Bunt: I’m going on a linguica binge when I’m home.

mud: do you want the good news first or the bad news? 

Bunt: Good news 1st please  

mud: LILF (linguica in links form) has been plentiful this year.  bad news is there has been a shortage of patties. 

Bunt: I was extremely concerned that you were going to tell me that there is a linguica shortage!!While I prefer the LILF it is a bit disconcerting that there is a patty shortage.  Upon my return I will dedicate all my resources to this shortage in hopes of getting to the bottom of this. What are you hearing from the Portuguese Community about this? 

mud: major resistance coming out of the PC.  LIPF is the backbone of linguica sales.  The PC cannot thrive on LILF sales alone.  The PC has developed a linguica outreach program (LOP) to educate the public about the benefits of LIPF and is putting pressure on manufactures to increase the production of LIPF.  The concern is that people will take a strong liking to LILF and slowly phase LIPF out of existence.  The mere separation of the forms of linguica decreases the LS (linguica sales) as people like to buy both LILF and LIPF when purchasing LP (linguica products).  TB (the body) is a major player in this as when he was dating JG he was a major supporter of LIPF.  without this inside presence the PC has had difficult times negotiating with GL (gaspar linguica), one of the areas major manufacturers of LP.  long story short:  we are working on it.  

Bunt: It smells like trouble for the PC.  Is there any way we can an inside presence with the GL?  Also this weight loss challenge must be affecting overall LP sales.  To lose 2 major players like TB and BD (Big D) cannot be good for the LS or the PC.   It sounds like everything is riding on the PF (Portuguese Feast).  A strong showing by the LP at the PF could bring LIPF back to life thus saving the summer LS.  At that point both TB and BD will be back on the LP in a big way so that should help the bottom-line LS as well.  I think the concerns of the PC are not without merit and it could be dangerous to but all of our hopes for LIPF on the PF.  You need to work with the PC and the GL to facilitate some sort of dialogue so a strategy can be put in place to bring back the LIPF and ensure a strong summer for the LP.  If the LS continues this way and the PC can no longer rely on the LP to drive revenue it could spell disaster not only for the PC but for all of the SEMA (Southeastern Mass).  You need to lead the charge!  Let me know what I can do on the WC (West Coast) to help the PC and the LP.  

mud: the LOP (as previously described above) is only phase I.  getting an insider at GL is a difficult task as the betrayal displayed by TB to JG has created a very hostile landscape.  furthermore, TB has created complications in discussions as a result of TB dating a NP (non-portagee).  developing an inside presence, therefore, has been eliminated from the PCPOA (portuguese community plan of action), for the time being.  the PC is using all of its resources to develop a successful LMAPP (linguica marketing and promotion plan) centered around the PF, this is phase II of the PCPOA.  you are correct when you state that SEMA’s financial development centers on LS; that is why SEMA and NB have teamed up with the PC to create a promotional day leading up to the PF where all LP will be TF (tax free).  SEMA and PC hope that this will spark the interest in both the aforementioned LIPF and LILF LPs in the days leading to the blockbuster sales event (the PF). 

Bunt: It sounds like the TB is causing major problems for the PC.  His utter disregard for JG and the GL has had a ripple effect on all of the SEMA.  It seems like the PCPOA has hit a major roadblock with the lack of an inside presence at the GL.  Also to have the TB dating an NP is a slap in the face of the JG and the GL.  The PC cannot be pleased with this development.  While it will be hard to implement phase II of the PCPOA without any presence at the GL a successful PCPOA is not out of the question.  Has there been any talk within the PC about reaching out to other LP manufacturers in hopes that they may be able to start a dialogue with the GL?  It seems to me that the only way for the LOP and ultimately the PCPOA to work is if all the LP manufacturers are working together.  I mean the fate of the NB and the SEMA depends on it.  For over a hundred years the PF has played an important role in bringing the PC, the NBC (New Bedford Community), and the SEMAC (Southeastern Mass Community) together.  But I ask you this; has there ever been a more important PF than the one scheduled for this August?  If the LOP and the PCPOA fail to deliver the desired results will this mean the end of not only LIPF but also LILF and thus the LP?  This is a trying to time for the PC and if any help is needed from the TP (This Pollack) please let me know. 

mud: good point.  however, start up cost for new linguica vendors (NLVs) are expensive and take a long time.  we would have to a) locate responsible LVs (linguica vendors), b) draft a LVC (linguica vendor contract), and c) negotiate and price compare with other LVs.  all of this is prior to POL (production of linguica) can even take place.  the PC cannot entertain other offers from LVs for immediate distribution of LILF and LIPF, however, negotiations are under way between PCNA (portuguese community negotiation analyst) and VPs of new LVs.  the PC still feels that GL is the primary LV for current products but does, indeed, hope that acquiring other LV’s offers will open up CLD (conducive linguica dialogue) between the PC and the manufacturing giant GL.  GL’s monopoly over the CP’s LP’s is absolutely creating a strangle hold on the NBC and SEMAC.  Thus, to answer your question, yes, this may be the most important PF for NBC and SEMAC and as a result has been dubbed the MIPF (most important portuguese feast) to create further awareness as part of the LOP and PCPOA.  we are hoping that the POC (polish community) and HPM (honorary portuguese members) flood the gates of MF (meddiera field) this august and revive LP for the PC.